24/6

Today's prayer meeting was special.

These days we've been sharing about how the prayer meeting has affected our daily lives and our quiet time. More often than not, the feedback were 'not-so-positive'; encouragement wise. The word sleepy and tired pops up the most ;p Besides that, for me, I consider this prayer to be my 'supposed' quiet time with God, which means I do not set aside time for Him anymore on my own, which is BAD! BAD! BAD!

If I dare say, some of us have faltered in our walk with God. Either that or we're stagnant. I had some time to think last night and I discovered that we've probably, I know I have, sorta forgotten (more like our focus shifted I reckon) the very reason why we called for this prayer meeting in the first place; the passion God planted in our hearts after the Leadership Training. I've lost sight of that passion.

*Aside: nothing motivates me in life, I've come to noticed ;p except passion.

We cannot sustain this prayer meeting on our own, not without the passion that Christ instills in us.

I mentioned how I cannot hear God and such. Well, this is because I kept doing the talking ie prayer instead of listening. I blabber along all the time; bla bla bla.. akin to a prayer diarrhea. Heh!

Anyhow, back to this morning's prayer meet~~
We didn't pray like we usually do. Instead, we spoke to God and waited for Him. We learnt to be still in His presence, learnt to tune out the noise of the world and tune into His voice. We cried out to Him, asking Him to fill our hearts with that passion once again. We worshipped Him. We gave thanx. We praised His name. We we're hungry. We missed Him, I missed Him. We waited for Him to speak...

Psalm 127:1
1Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labour in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

Matthew 5:3-10
3Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.

8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.

10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Psalm 27:1-4, 13-14
1The Lord is my light and salvation -
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life -
of whom shall I be afraid?

2When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.

3Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

4One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon His beauty of the Lord
and to seek Him in His temple.

13I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.

14Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

Thank You for speaking to us Lord.
We love You lots.

Sshhh...

I seem to have lost the ability to tune in to God's voice. The empty 'slots' are still waiting to be filled in. I am, of course, referring to the summer house programme.

Last weekend's prayer walk appears to be the 'product' of man's wisdom; mine. When in the gazebo, I prayed, among other things, for a reassurance that I was indeed carrying out His will but found myself very unsettled instead. Asked for forgiveness I did, but I'm ashamed.. even now, as I am typing, even after the prayer meeting; really wanted to say another prayer after Mel 'closed' but somehow.. the momentum was gone...

Am I not keeping a rested heart? Coz I can't seem to hear You, God.
Am I not listening? Listening the way You want me to?
Or am I just being impatient with You?
Is it akin to the way Wee Leon described it; "I asked God what He wanted them to do and He said community penetration. It was exam period! But since God said so, I sent them out."? The right-at-the-spot moment with no fixed programmes whatsoever?
I convinced myself the prayer walk was that. How very wrong I was.

Please forgive me Lord.

And to you guys, please forgive me. I never meant to be pretentious, really... I'm so sorry. I don't know how to do this. Praying about the programme during our prayer meeting feels kinda 'wrong' coz we are, afterall, gathered here for an entirely different purpose.. right? I don't know now.
It is extremely incorrect to think that one must conceal one's weakness when among loving brothers and sisters. But yet one does it; I do it, still. Please forgive me. I need help. I don't know how to do this.

Please forgive me Lord.

Lord, I want to hear from You. Please let me hear Your voice. Teach me to recognise the sound of Your voice. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and I don't know what to do. Lord, please speak to and through the rest if I fail to do so.

the best agenda is God's agenda~~

Jeremiah 29:12-14

"... 12Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14I will be found by you," declares the Lord