Sshhh...
I seem to have lost the ability to tune in to God's voice. The empty 'slots' are still waiting to be filled in. I am, of course, referring to the summer house programme.
Last weekend's prayer walk appears to be the 'product' of man's wisdom; mine. When in the gazebo, I prayed, among other things, for a reassurance that I was indeed carrying out His will but found myself very unsettled instead. Asked for forgiveness I did, but I'm ashamed.. even now, as I am typing, even after the prayer meeting; really wanted to say another prayer after Mel 'closed' but somehow.. the momentum was gone...
Am I not keeping a rested heart? Coz I can't seem to hear You, God.
Am I not listening? Listening the way You want me to?
Or am I just being impatient with You?
Is it akin to the way Wee Leon described it; "I asked God what He wanted them to do and He said community penetration. It was exam period! But since God said so, I sent them out."? The right-at-the-spot moment with no fixed programmes whatsoever?
I convinced myself the prayer walk was that. How very wrong I was.
Please forgive me Lord.
And to you guys, please forgive me. I never meant to be pretentious, really... I'm so sorry. I don't know how to do this. Praying about the programme during our prayer meeting feels kinda 'wrong' coz we are, afterall, gathered here for an entirely different purpose.. right? I don't know now.
It is extremely incorrect to think that one must conceal one's weakness when among loving brothers and sisters. But yet one does it; I do it, still. Please forgive me. I need help. I don't know how to do this.
Please forgive me Lord.
Lord, I want to hear from You. Please let me hear Your voice. Teach me to recognise the sound of Your voice. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and I don't know what to do. Lord, please speak to and through the rest if I fail to do so.
the best agenda is God's agenda~~
posted by suelynn @ 11:19 am
2 Comments:
hehe.. why is praying for the programme during prayer meeting wrong leh? god says in EVERYTHING by prayer.....let your requests be made known to him mah...!!! and don't have to ask us (or at least me) to forgive u!!!we are all learning how to pray in spirit n in TRUTH...!! allllllll learning togethergether... n sometimes taking a step of faith requires one to be abit 'pretentious' rite.. as in, do something that u wouldn't normally do, become someone u are not very familiar with.. n all the time u keep praying that god will make it really you.. know what i mean? like when i think god wants me to be kinder, i try to be kinder even tho it's not really ME, but i just pray that he will make it really me eventually n i BELIEVE he will...
Sometimes it's the other way round la.. as in, he changes me before i change, but.. but.. sometimes it's like this worr.. at least for me la.. i dunno if it's wrong heeehee...
n of cos sometimes we fail la!! hehe.. eg in your process of learning to DO things for him, learning to listen for him and seek him, u... do things u wouldn't normally do, ONE example being wake up at 6 every morning to go for prayer meeting.. n sometimes it seems as if u still fail cos u still do things by your own man made plans.. but then rite, god seeeeees you trying.. n u know how in romans 5:20 it says where sin abounded, grace abounded MUCH more.. (haha i always tell this to myself leh.. =P).. just have to keep walking on n not let it defeat u cos we know that we are more than conquerors against these things of the flesh because the Spirit of transformation and victory lives IN us..
n of cos altho u feeeeeel as if the prayer walk was just a man made plan, but then do u think that it limited god? hehe.. i'm sure he didn't go "oh no... now i can't perform my miracles in people's hearts cos cheryl messed up my plaaans".. god is almighty worr!!! 'sides, he knows what mistakes we are going to make even before we make them.. n his plan is stilllll PERFECT despite us fumbling n stumbling...
uhm.. as for listening to god... it's also one of those things we will be forever learning i think, no matter at what stage of our journey we are in.. i'm not sure la, i just can't envision myself really learning it up properly.. hehe.. but but.. god will teach us....
anyways dun be discouraged n disheartened.. altho SOMETIMES it feels hopeless but have faith that god watches over you n will not abandon you to your weaknesses, as long as u reach out to him..!!
thank you dear cacing.
never really saw it in tht light before; being pretentious.
c ya tmrw ;)
*muahsss*
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